English Modeling

Sam came over after a modeling job last night. We were going to have dinner and watch a movie just the two of us…and our babies. The night was going fine, but then Sam got “that look” in here eyes.

“Do we need to talk?” I paused the movie.

“Yeah… my agent wants me to branch out into other fields besides just Amish book covers and what not. Like English stuff. There will be more money, but…I’m going to have to move if I really want my career to take off.” She bit her lip waiting for me to explode or something.

“Wow…that’s really big. Are you considering it? I mean, the other day you were upset because Jason is English and you don’t want to convert. Are you second guessing that? You know, if you move you’ll be…shunned.”

“I know! That’s my problem! I really, really want to pursue this, but I can’t turn my back on my roots. I want to raise the twins in an Amish way.”

“Well, for goodness sake don’t tell anyone else, okay.”

“I’ve only told you and I won’t spread that information. If only there was a way to have both.”

“Well there isn’t, I’m sorry, there isn’t.”

“Calm down. I know. It sucks.”

“Maybe there are some local jobs you could do that are English and figure out how far you want to take it. We’ve kept lots of secrets from the elders and Momma and Poppa. We can keep this one until you figure it out.”

“That’s a good idea, Pen.”

“I know, I’m a genius.” We both laugh.

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Paul’s Problem

Like I told her to, Bonnie talked to Paul about everything that was bothering her. And she didn’t tell me this. I only know this from my observations from my bedroom window. I’m not sure how everything went! I can’t let Paul know I’m spying on him, so I can’t ask about it, but this is what happened…

They walked through my garden like they did the other day when they wanted to talk privately. They finally stopped under a tree. I think Bonnie was saying something really important because Paul looked at her speechlessly. They talked for a little longer in that same spot. They looked around the yard. It must have been an awkward silence. Then Bonnie said something. She appeared to be crying again. Then she kissed Paul on the cheek and ran away…

Because he yelled and the window was opened, I heard him say, “Bonnie!” But she just kept running away. He just stood there looking at his feet. Eventually he came in the house. I had to scramble out of that room because he knows I would have been able to see everything if I was in there. So I went in Joey’s room and acted like I had just put him down for a nap.

Then Paul walked upstairs. “Penelope!!!” he yelled. “Where are you?”
“Up here.” I stroked Joey’s head.
“Pen, I don’t know what to do.”
“About what?” I lied.
“Bonnie. I just broke her heart.”
“Oh, no. What happened?” I acted clueless.
He shrugged. “I told her I didn’t want to be with her right now. But that I still love her.”
“Wow, that’s kind of harsh, Paul!”
“I didn’t word it like that. I said it very kindly.”
“Why don’t you want to be with her right now?”
“I want to go through my Rumspringa first. I want to drive a car, be an Englisher for the day, you know, stuff an Amish teenager is allowed to do during that time. Finally reaching Rumspringa is every Amish kid’s dream because they can finally have some freedom. I’m not about to throw that all away.” he sighed. “You’ve went through Rumspringa, so I’m sure you can relate.”
“Yeah.” Lie #2. During my Rumspringa Momma had to practically ask me to go ride in a boy’s buggy. The yellow teeth, the smelly breath…. I shudder just thinking about it.
“Besides, she should go to college. She wants to. She shouldn’t give up those dreams because of me. I just want to wait and marry her in a few years.”
“But Paul, just think… She might not be available in a few years. She might fall in love with someone else. Have you ever thought of that?”
“No… I guess I didn’t.”
I wave it off. “So, ultimately, you don’t want to have this commitment right now.”
“Yeah, pretty much. I don’t want to lose her though.”
“Well, Bonnie will be on the market as soon as she goes home. No one can stop her from dating someone else. And less face it, Bonnie is a very pretty girl. I’m sure in Oregon there is a line of boys just waiting to wait on her hand and foot.”
He nods his head and runs his hand through his hair. “Yes, Bonnie is very attractive.” He blushes.
“Well, go tell her what you just told me. And if she cries, stay there. Don’t leave. If she yells at you, don’t argue with her.”
“I don’t know if she’ll understand…”
“All you can do is try.”
I’ll let you know when I find out what happened!!! 🙂

Bonnie’s No-No

So this morning I woke up to loud music playing in the bathroom across the hall. I thought, “What in the world?” Joseph was still sound asleep. I tiptoed out of my room and knocked on the bathroom door. It had to be Bonnie, because we don’t have a speaker or radio in that room, so it must have been something of hers. I knocked really loudly. “hey, turn that down!” I yelled fiercely. “Joey Jr. might wake up.” I heard the music stop and the door opened. It was Bonnie, as I had suspected.
“Oh, sorry…” her eyes were red and puffy.
“Dear, we have no problem with music in this household, or even loud music for that matter. But at 5:30 in the morning, it’s just too much.” Then I touched her shoulder comfortingly. “What’s a matter?”
“Oh… Nothing.” She has a sad expression on her face.
“Are you homesick?”
“No…” A tear falls down her cheek.
“You can trust me, Bonnie.”
She sighs and shakes her head. “This was all a waste.”
“What was all a waste?”
“Coming here. Living with you.”
“Bonnie, now why do you say that? We all appreciate you being here.”
“Not Paul!”
“What?”
“He doesn’t love me anymore! I just know it!”
“I’m sure that’s not the case.”
“He doesn’t notice me anymore. He ignores me and doesn’t want to be with me. I never should have came here.”
“Oh, Bonnie…”
“It’s true, Penelope! That’s why I’ve been blaring loud music. So no one would hear me cry.”
I blow air out of my mouth. “So that’s what’s all this was about.”
She nods her head and starts to cry again.
“I think you should talk to him.”
“Why try? He despises me.”
“Bonnie, stop talking like that. You and I both know that is not the case. When he wakes up, wait just a little bit, then talk with him privately. There is a lot more to Paul then you can see with just your eyes. He loves you still. I know that. He told me. He is just having a hard time adjusting to you here.”
“Really? You think?”
“I know so.”
Then I went back to bed because it was a no preaching Sunday. Hopefully she’ll talk to him like I said. I’ll have to talk to Paul too, but i won’t say a word about Bonnie’s and my conversation.

June 22, 2012 – Bonnie and Violet’s Heart to Heart

Today I woke up feeling fabulous (as usual)!  I took Joey on a walk around the park with Sam and the twins. Everything was going smooth as glass today!

Obviously I wasn’t ready for this bombshell:

“Hey, how’d the talk go?” I asked Violet this evening over the phone. 

“Not so well…” Violet was quiet which is very rare (we all have that one person who never stops talking).

“What do mean?”

“How do I put this…Bonnie wants to be Amish…she wants to move to Ohio and ‘try it out’. I tried to tell her that she can’t just ‘try it out’! That’s not how it works…it’s all or nothing. She doesn’t seem to get it. Also she ‘claims’ God is telling her to be Amish. I think she just wants to be with Paul. I tried to tell her that there will be other boys, she needs to get over Paul!”

“I see…How exactly did you phrase all of this?”

“I wasn’t mad like you told me. I was patient. You’d be proud of me.”

“Good job, Violet.” We giggled.

“But back to the main issue!” She clears her throat. “I’m telling Bonnie ‘No and that’s all about the issue. No more thinking it over.’ She’s not old enough to make that kind of decision. I’m right to say that? That’s what you would say, right?” Her voice got panicked.

“Yes, I agree 100%.”

“Praise the Lord! I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve been so unsure!” There was a brief silence. “How do I tell her that?” 

“Nicely, patiently, lovingly, warmly, peacefully, gently, and explain exactly why. You were 16 once too. You wanted to know why about everything so give her an explanation.”

“You’re right…I’ll do it tomorrow. Pray for me?”

“I sure will. See later Vi!”

“Bye Pen!”

I sure hope everything goes well. From what I’ve heard Bonnie is a very understanding girl. I hope she’s just not so love drunk that she’ll do something she’ll regret.